the future.

Today I posted about my health problems in a Natural Living community on Livejournal. I got over twenty comments back. Some useful... some not. But sometimes it's nice to not feel alone.

But in the end. It hurts me a lot, far more than on a physical level. Yes, I am in pain. Yes, sometimes I have to stop in the middle of the day and come home. But more than that, I feel like I am empty far too often.

I think today is summed up by this quote from The Camera My Mother Gave Me

I wanted my vagina back.

I wanted unpredictability, upset, waywardness. I wanted the world to regain the other dimension that only the vagina can perceive. Because the vagina is the organ that looks to the future. The vagina is potential. It’s not emptiness, it’s possibility, and possibility was exactly what was missing from my life. (Page 127)