time.

i took my last final. i haven't been that nervous for a test in awhile. i needed at 70% to maintain my A in the class. i don't feel like i totally bombed it.

i finished it and i thought of all the fun things i could do when i got home... but then, about an hour after getting home my stomach started being finicky and got angry. figures.

determined to not let it ruin my day, i am cuddled with the dog (huey) laying on my arm/wrist as i type this (yes, he's a gem like that) and the cat (gatsby) snuggled next to my feet. i've started a bunch of games of scrabble on facebook as well.

i am intrigued by the visits to my blog. on your profile it says how many people have been to your site. i want to know who these people are, how they stumbled upon this. but maybe it's better to keep the mystery.

the other day when D. came up to visit, he was talking to C. about his job. C. said that our relationship was rocky at points because of his chosen path in the health field. that the long hours + intense work do not exactly mix well with me & my anxiety/personality. they really don't. if i met C. tomorrow, i honestly don't know if i would pursue a relationship with him. just because our career paths are so different in so many ways. but i do love him and love being with him. As I was talking to C. about his conversation with D. he said that part of my fears were that he would meet someone else who would be more understanding. i never really thought of that. but then i spoke without thinking and said to C. and said, "i guess i am afraid i will meet someone else, who's life meshes more with mine and be bitter." it's true. but the words were more bitter than i expected.

i am content with him. even with the times that i end up alone on the floor, having a massive anxiety attack because he's been in school all day and has turned around and gone straight to the hospital. in some ways its makes me stronger, even if it's met with resistance.

the hardest part is having to put my life on hold. knowing i will graduate in a year, and it will be almost 10 before he is done with medical school. it means getting a house, adopting kids... all that stuff has to wait. i just hope, that after waiting that long, that everything works out.