Today. I am tired.
I am
b
r
e
a
k
i
n
g
.
for the first time in a long time i told colin,
"i can't DO this."
and i really didnt feel like i could.

i just want answers
or even the right questions to ask.

i want to wear normal pants, eat without being scared, sleep without anxiety, i want to pick out an outfit and not check the mirror a hundred times, i want to make plans without making an escape route in case i get sick.

i want to make up and look in the mirror,
and not hate this thing.
whatever is inside of me, making me sick.
but i do. i detest it.
i can't look in the mirror anymore,
without feeling this intense hatred of my body.